Sunday, August 2, 2009

Mermaid or Whale?


Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said:
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).
They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have
adorable baby whales.They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up
outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity
crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them......not to mention how could they have sex?
Therefore they don't have kids either. Besides, who wants to get close to a girl who's skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me... I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful,
I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my Grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with
my friends.
With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much
information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good gosh, look how smart I am"!


Stephanie Saunders said...

Maybe I'll start telling myself that when my butt insists on catching up to my rapidly growing parasitical belly. "Oh no, doctor. I haven't gained 10 pounds of fat since my last appointment. That's 10 pounds of intelligence! Okay, Maybe 1 pound baby and 9 intelligence."

Grandmotherfairy said...

I love the post...maybe I will reconsider walking today...I am feel really intelligent!

Scrapally said...

love it! We are here to have JOY right? My happiness is tied to eating ~ didn't know I was getting smart at the same time! :) Fun post Linda...congrats on your new will be (are)awesome!

kelly said...

That is awesome! I so want to be a whale now. My mom has a huge painting exactly like that mermaid above her fireplace.

Taylor wants to ride in the truch

At Mt. Rushmore

Devils Tower Wyoming